I remember as a child having a fascination with time. It confounded me how it moved slowly and quickly at various times or even occasionally at the same time. (How could it simultaneously move fast and slow?!) I learned that, rationally speaking, the secondhand moves the same speed. Over and over and over. There are 60 seconds in a minute. Sixty minutes in an hour. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes in a year. And yet, the minutes moved slowly when I wanted them to move fast and they alternately moved quickly when I needed them to slow down.
In just 2 months, you’ll be one year old. Someone asked me the other day if I’m sad about that. And here’s the secret: I’m not. Maybe I’m nostalgic that time has passed and a year with you has already flown by, but I’m not sad. You get more and more fun by the day and your personality is shining from you like a beam. How could I be sad? Give me this crawling, jabbering, giggly, ornery little baby every day over all the newborns.
But you’re not yet a year so we’ve still got 2 months to enjoy this “month” stage where, when people ask how old you are, we respond in months. I’m very aware that time is moving. I don’t need people to say, “Wow, he’s almost a year already.” I know that.
In some ways, my fascination with time is a blessing because it has meant that this past month (especially this past month!!) I’ve been savoring the moments. Fall always brings this out in me too so the time of year combined with you, my rapidly-changing little boy, has me double-dutying on the awareness front.
I was just talking with “The Mamas” (a group of us who have given ourselves this nickname to make it easier to reference when talking with our spouses, i.e.: “You’ll never guess what The Mamas were joking about today…”) about baby development and I said if I would’ve had to know everything that I know right now about a 10 month old back when you were a newborn, I would have given up. I would’ve fallen into a severe depression and been too overwhelmed to face a new day. You think I’m joking, but I’m not. Overwhelmed was my middle name for those first several weeks.
As it is, I’m so thankful that as you grow, we learn. I didn’t need to know everything back then. I’m learning new things as they come. I don’t need to know everything for the future. I’ll learn that when we get there. I’ve already tossed aside the pieces from the beginning that no longer apply (and in those terms, The Mamas all agree: it’s so overwhelming to think about having a baby because, like, I don’t even know what to do with a newborn anymore!). For example, I remember when you were born, I was freaked out about baby food (of all things). But thankfully, I had 6 months to figure out other things before that. And now baby food is old hat. Now you’re on to eating off my plate because you’re a huge mooch and can’t stand it if I have food and you don’t. You can sense my plate of food like a hound dog and, zip, here you come. You’re very adventurous when it comes to food; even if you don’t like it, you’ll chew it, think about it, start to leave, then still come back and beg for more.
This past month has brought a complete change in your level of exploration. One Sunday morning, you started crawling and you’ve been going ever since. You crawl with deliberation, like you know you’re going somewhere and you plan to get there. Your scope of interest expands every day and I’ll watch you go into new rooms and explore around new corners.
You love the front door because there’s a tall window that you can look out and watch the cars. Our neighbor recently started doing some work on his driveway so the construction trucks are your current fascination. You also love the bathroom and I think it’s only because you discovered this. Being outside is your favorite and watching your daddy mow the lawn continues to be the thrill of your life.
You love to pull up on things, most of the time successfully, sometimes not. (You first tried it by the front door and fell, getting a huge bump and bruise on your forehead. The first of many, I’m sure.) Sometimes you pull things down on yourself instead because you don’t know that not everything in this world is stable, but you usually just get back up and try again. You’re very persistent.
You’ve started standing on your own for several seconds at a time. Nothing extravagant, but obviously thrilling nevertheless. It’s honestly so much fun to watch you develop. I think this is the part of parenthood that is so amazing. You, this tiny little person, learning and growing and doing new things. It blows my mind daily.
You continue to love your books. We read and read and read and read and you still cry if we reach the end of a book and don’t have another one ready to go right away. You love to pull all the books out of the cart in the living room and, in your room, you’re always reaching for the bookshelf. Doesn’t matter if it’s a book that has long been over-read. You’re still like, “Read all the books!” With not even a please. Because you can’t talk yet.
Time continues…slowly on the days you’re grumpy (never, right?) and quickly through every giggle, snuggle, laugh, and cuddle. I am savoring these moments. I am breathing in your post-bath smell and your morning joy over waking up. I’m laughing at your expressions and smiling at your orneriness.
Mostly, I am savoring you.
You are my I love you.