After the proposal, I was talking with a dear friend of mine. Her and I have had a long distance friendship over the years and have shared our highs and lows of life and relationships and decisions and, well, pretty much anything. She asked me what it was that was the deciding factor for me; what it was that made me know that Kevin was the guy who I want to spend the rest of my life with. This was my response.

“Hey babe, I considered [briefly] writing to you and lying, but I knew I couldn’t do that to you. I wanted to tell you that it was a magical, sky-opening revelation where I knew that Kevin was the one for me, but that’s not really true. Maybe some people have that, who knows? I didn’t. There was no beam of light or booming voice or even any magic involved at all.

“It was a process over the time of our relationship. It was me, thinking about the rest of my life and knowing in my heart that no matter what, I want to be with Kevin. I pictured myself at different stages of my life and knew that there’s no one else I would rather share it with than him. I walk to walk down the aisle with him at the other end. I want to pledge my faithfulness to him. I want to buy a house with him. I want to come home to him at night. I want to have babies with him. I want to go to our kid’s sports games together. I want to hide Christmas presents together. I want to cook dinner for him. I want to roll over in the morning and kiss him. I want to be beside him to watch our children graduate, get married, have babies. I want to watch his hands wrinkle with time and touch the lines on his face. I want to hold hands and go on long, slow walks. I want to fight with him. I want to make up with him. I want to laugh with him and sob in his arms when I’m frustrated. I want to be myself with him and know that he will always love me no matter what. I want to retire with him. I want to complain about achy joints with him. I want to have our hair turn gray together (but would prefer his to turn gray first…and I’ll just use hair dye when mine starts to go).

“There’s nothing magical about it at all. It’s simply that I know he’s the one I want to learn and experience life with. It was never a revelation as much as a process. That’s it. That’s the ‘deciding factor.'”