I have several words in the English language that drive me insane. If you use these words around me, I will cringe and possibly throw things at you.

MOIST: This is not a word that should ever be used. There is never, ever a legitimate reason to use it, even if you’re referring to cake. It is a disgusting word and makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth. Out of all the words I hate, this would be the most hated word.
[EDIT: Kevin just found out about this word so he, like Carla, is insisting on using it every chance he gets. He thinks it’s so funny that I hate this word so much. I’m pretty sure I should’ve never told him as I’m never going to hear the end of it now…]

WET: Also, a word that shouldn’t be used. You can say that it is pouring torrential downpours of rain, making the streets slippery, but don’t tell me that the streets are wet. Wet is gross, but only 60% as bad as moist. If you need to choose between the two for some reason, always use “wet” instead.

BOB-B-Q: Bob Evans is running an annoying campaign for their BBQ foods. I thought this was only a summer of ’07 campaign, but they have extended it now into ’08. It is so stupid. Carla calls me every time she drives past a Bob Evans just so she can say “Bob-B-Q” to me because it irritates me so much. They need to fire all of their marketing staff.

SUCKLE: Do I even need to talk about this? Terrible word. Also, “suckling.”

VERMIN: Not only does it conjure up twisted images of pests I don’t like, it’s just a bad word. Anytime there are that many straight letters in a word, it can’t be good…unless it’s Emily, which consists solely of straight letters so it’s okay. Wait, is “m” a curved letter? No matter, vermin is a bad word.

SCRATCH: Not only does it make your mosquito bites worse, it’s just a gross word to say. Use itch instead.

HANKERING: Unless you were born in the ’20s on a Southern ranch and still wear a cowboy hat and spurs, just don’t.

CHESTNUT: It is the name of the street that I live on so I try to avoid giving out my address whenever possible. It’s an awkward word to say because of the “stn” put together. Either it comes out as “chessnut” or else you have to specifically pronounce the “t”, which just makes it sound like you’re trying to say “chest.”

POSTHASTE: Another awkward word to use. It sounds like “post taste” unless you think about it while you’re saying it and make sure to add the “h.” Most of the time, it’s just weird though.

HORS D’OEUVRE: When I was little, I knew what the sound of this word was, but I did not know that this was how it was spelled. So when I read it, it was a different meaning than when I heard it. It wasn’t until I was about 15 that I finally joined the spelling to the sound and now I know that “oar-derv” is the same word as “horse do vray.” Funny now, I know, but it caused me a lot of trouble as a child…