Last night was the much-anticipated How To Host A Murder dinner party with several of our friends. This was the invitation that we got to the party:

June 19, 1881

My Dearest Friends,

In my tireless attempts to rid the town of Roadkill of the villainous scum that is corrupting our citizens, I take pride in announcing the capture of the Malevolent Seven-a dastardly conspiracy of criminals that has secretly victimized our fair territory for far too many years. To celebrate this landmark moment in law enforcement, I have erected eight gallows on Main Street: seven for the execution of this thieving, murderous band, and one for good luck. The execution will take place at midnight on the second of July, to “kick off” festivities for the Fourth of July weekend.

As a crowd is expected, I’ve reserved prime seating for you, my most honored guests and dear friends. You shall be served a sumptuous meal in my home prior to our thrilling main event, which will begin with the hanging of the mysterious masked horseman who masterminded the Seven’s unsavory crimes. So, leave your affairs in order, and come join me in this triumphant celebration. The honor of your presence is required.

Sincerely,
Waylon Payne

We all were assigned a character. Kevin’s was Wyatt Hertz. I was Elvira-Lynn Fekshin. In with our invitation were descriptions of our characters so that we knew a bit about ourselves and how to dress. This was the description for Kevin’s character, Mr. Hertz: Wyatt Hertz is by far the most famous lawman in the West. He kept the wild frontier town of Roadkill under tight control, keeping the locals in line with an iron fist of fear. That is, until a shotgun blast caught him in the tender parts. Legend has it that Wyatt was ambushed by the vicious Partridge Family gang, and he didn’t stand a chance. That was a year ago. Since then, he’s retired, letting Judge Waylon Payne reign as both sheriff and justice of the peace. Now Wyatt runs a lucrative rent-a-horse business. He never lost a gunfight, and some folks believe he could take out a whole gunslingin’ gang with a single round from his six-shooter.

My character, Elvira-Lynn Fekshin, was described as “the consummate soiled dove who makes no bones about it, so to speak. She’s known throughout the territory, and there’s even that famous saloon song written about her- My Heart Burns for You, and Other Places, Too. She’s the proud madam of the Pigeon Ranch, the best little you-know-what in Roadkill. Since Judge Waylon Payne is one of her steadiest clients, the law does a good job of looking the other way. To look at her now, you’d never guess she was born in the gutter and suffered a sickly childhood, battling everything from consumption to bubonic plague. But now she spreads, among other things, sunshine wherever she goes.“

Cameron and Erin are our friends who came up with the idea of having this dinner party. Erin had played a different How To Host A Murder game back in college and thought it would be fun to do it now with this version that she got from her sister. Cameron was P’Elvis Swagarin. When a mysterious lone gunslinger rides into some dusty western town, it’s usually P’elvis Swagarin. Solemn, poker-faced, bowlegged-he’s a cowboy’s cowboy. Born Peter Elvis Swagarin, he’s P’elvis to those who know him. He’s a man with no belongings but the shirt on his back, his gun and his saddle….a man who sleeps beneath the icy stars, a horse his only companion. P’elvis appeared out of the prairie heat just two days ago, and ever since he arrived, the whole town of Roadkill has been whispering in hushed tones, wondering who he is and what he wants…

Erin was Butch Chastity. Legendary Butch Chastity is the first lady of outlaws. Her all-woman gang are the Amazons of the American West. There’s nothing coy or dainty about Butch. She can drink her fellow outlaws under the table; she can hold her own in a game of poker; she can rob a stagecoach in record time; and she can kill a man just as soon as look at him-and often does. In her secret hide-out, a place called the Hole in the Mud, Butch plans the most daring of heists, including her many famed train robberies. It has been rumored that Butch has gotten away with more gold than any outlaw alive.

Mitch & Robyn were gracious enough to host us all at their house for the party. Mitch’s character was Chief Breaking Windy (“Windy” to some, uh-hum). Chief Breaking Wind is the distinguished leader of the Cowpai tribe-an honorary position these days, since the entire Cowpai tribe fell victim to a mysterious disease several years ago and perished. Still, the stoic chief keeps his traditions alive, trusting that, with his help, the Cowpai will rise again. Unwillingly relieved of his tribal responsibilities, the chief has since opened a successful barber shop in town and, ignorant historical references notwithstanding, hasn’t scalped a soul. Still, no one ever angers the chief.

Robyn was Helena Handcart. Matriarch of the Handcart clan, Helena is the mother of the Handcart boys: all thirteen of them. Billy-Bob, Bobby-Rae, Little Ricky, Martin and Lewis, Harpo, Groucho, Sleepy, Sneezy, Manny, Moe and Jack. Oh-and, of course, the Beav. Unfortunately, she had to bury all thirteen of her sons after they were tragically killed in a shoot-out at a dairy farm. The now infamous gunfight at the Parkkay Corral left her with nothing but memories. A strong woman, she has been able to survive, although most of the time she remains secluded on the sprawling Handcart Ranch, managing the family cattle business. Helena owns half the territory and never lets anyone forget it.

Last, by certainly not least, were Brett & Kelly. Brett was Elias Truist-Heath. Young Elias is an up-and-coming heart-throb gunfighter. He can dazzle spectators with his quick draw and a spin from his guns, and when he’s not showing off his slinging skills, he’s demonstrating his pugilistic prowess. He’s known as the best brawler west of the Mississippi and comes out of every fight with nary a scratch. Orphaned as a boy, Elias was raised under the firm, wise hand of Judge Waylon Payne. After a patriotic stint with the U.S. Cavalry, Elias returned home to Roadkill and to the women who adore him.

Kelly was Dee Adela Muerta. She is known as just Adela to her friends. Adela is a Mexican beauty with the most pious of spirits but is plagued by bad luck. She’s been thrice-widowed-each time as a newlywed. Her first husband, a local politician, died shamefully during one of his secret outings to the Pigeon Ranch. Her second husband, the town pastor, died while preaching, and her third husband, the town undertaker, keeled over from exhaustion while planting the thirteen Handcart boys. Now poor Adela is left to deliver Sunday sermons and forced to become town undertaker. Still, she knows that she will rise above her misfortune. Until then, she’ll continue to wear her black mourning veil.

The evening started out with drinks and appetizers, courtesy of Brett & Kelly. While we munched on chicken wings and jalapeno poppers, we read our first “conceal” and “reveal” clues. See, each of us had a game book that was specific to our character. For each round, we learned something new about ourselves that we were supposed to keep a secret and we learned something about the other characters that we were supposed to ask them more about. Also, we heard from one of the people of Roadkill that Judge Paylin, who was the host of the party, had been murdered just hours because in his home. We were supposed to then figure out who did it. This started round one.

Round two and three were during the main course–salad, buns, potatoes, and rotisserie chicken (courtesy of Mitch & Robyn, Cameron & Erin)–and we all turned the page, read new information and continued the conversation of trying to figure out who was where and what secrets everyone was keeping. Of course, with every new discovery, we all got new ideas about who murdered Judge Waylin Payne (who I kept accidently calling “Palin”–haha).

The last round–round four–was dessert time. I had made individual little mini pumpkin pies (pictured to the right, pre-baked) to serve with cinnamon ice cream. That whole pie thing was a story in and of itself. I had gone to Mom and Dad’s house during the day to make the pies and hang out with my nieces and nephew. Mom helped me with the pies. We baked them and then set them out to cool while I spent the afternoon decorating pumpkins with the kids. About 5 minutes before I left their house to run back home to get ready, Dad decided to try one of the extra mini pies. Turned out that Dad saved the day because the pies were TERRIBLE. In all of our baking, both Mom and I had overlooked adding the sugar to the recipe. Dad couldn’t even take a second bite; that’s how bad it was. This was at 4:00 and the dinner was at 6:00 in Coralville. I ran to Kalona to get more cream while Mom stirred up a second double batch of pie filling and pie dough. I got back to her house and we finished the pie dough and the filling, then I loaded everything up separately in my car to run it back home to bake while I got ready. Needless to say, they turned out perfectly, but were only ready a minute before Kevin and I walked out the door and we were a few minutes late. Good save Dad on tasting them and good save Mom on quickly redoing a whole batch of pumpkin pies to save the night!

So anyway, during dessert, we learned the final clues to solve our mystery. It was looking more and more like my character, Elvira-Lynn Fekshin, was the murderer, but we took a vote and then turned the page to read the ending of the murder. It turned out that everyone, except for P’elvis (Cameron), were part of the Judge’s Malevolent Seven because we had all had a part in a gold laundering ring, which we started discovering through the different courses. Although everyone had a reason for wanting the Judge dead, it was actually me who shot the final bullet to kill him. Wyatt (Kevin) and Elias (Brett) had both riddled the Judge with 11 shots already, but neither of them could shoot worth a darn so it was me who finished him off.

It was so much fun! The game/dinner itself lasted for over three hours and it was full of a lot of laughter, accusations, and sexual innuendoes. All of us were surprised with how well that game was made so that the conversation flowed very easily from each person’s clue to the next. There was never an awkward silence or pause and there were a lot of surprising things that we never expected like that Chief Breaking Wind (Mitch) and Helena (Robyn) had a child together or that Wyatt (Kevin) really couldn’t shoot to save his life and he accidently shot his own privates when he was trying to shoot a rabbit or that I (Elvira-Lynn) used to be a famous sharp shooter and was part of the dyslexic Biffalo Buff’s wild west show.

The party is over and our costumes are now stored away in a bin for another time. Looking forward to it…