Last night, I was commissioned to join the MidWestOne bank troups for the North Liberty parade. (I guess that now that I’m a spouse, I have to do things like this. Whatever, I got pizza and a free shirt out of the deal.) I don’t know that they’ll be asking me back next year for much help on account of my terrible aim at children. Or rather, I have fantastic aim, but apparently, I’m supposed to aim for the ground and not the actual child.
The first kid that I hit was completely unsuspecting, looking the other way, when a sucker just beams him in the face. I felt terrible. The kid started crying and I was like, “I’m so sorry!!!” The mother waved me on and said he’d be just fine.
The second kid was begging for candy so I kindly threw him a piece, but he was a terrible catcher and it hit him on the head. I feel less sad about that one because it was partly his fault.
After the third child got hit, I was sanctioned to toss out koozies & t-shirts instead. The koozies were injury-free. I did hit someone with a t-shirt, but when they saw what it was, they were thrilled.
I should probably try out for women’s softball as it seems I’m a natural pitcher.
(Please note how “Buck” the pig was placed smack-dab next to me. Also, note how tightly my fists are clenched around the Go Green bags that I’m holding. I couldn’t wait for that picture to be over.)
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