For Christmas 2007, Kevin bought me a brand new violin.  It was what I wanted.  I had huge hopes and dreams of being able to pick it up and miraculously be able to play it.  After all, though I did have years of technical piano training, all of my composing and writing skills were something I had already developed before formal classes started.  I literally woke up one more and just knew what a C5 chord was and how I could invert it.  I think it’s a God-given talent because I could never explain how I knew it.  I just knew.

I thought I’d wake up and know how to play violin as well.  After all, rumor is that pianists adapt the best to violins over any other instrument.  Regardless, my beautiful violin has sat untouched for nearly two years now and is a point of extreme sadness to me.  (I tried everything to rosin the bow and still it makes no sound, not even a screech.  I got books from the library, but nothing made sense.  I had taught myself guitar when I was 12 and I couldn’t even make a violin screech, seriously?)  Sadness because I feel like I let Kevin down (after all, he got it for me) and sadness because I had something on my wish list that I should’ve just left unpenciled.

Tonight I bought a camera.  A camera that I’ve been dreaming about for 2 years.  It’s not even top-of-the-line, but it’s as much as we could afford and it’s enough to get me started.  Pushing the “submit order” button was one of the hardest things I’ve done since Christmas two years ago.  Ever since then, I have this sick feeling in my gut that I’m going to make a mistake with what I think I can do or with my dreams.  Yes, I dream of taking pictures–great photos–but what if I can’t?  What if I just spent a bunch of money and, God forbid, it becomes another “violin”?  (I hate to even say that because I know that I can’t let it become another violin.)

This is my fear.  I have no idea where to start or what I’m doing, but I want to learn and I want to be good and I want to prove to Kevin and, most of all, myself that this will have been a worthwhile investment.

I refuse to let my passions and dreams become quiet violins.