As you may remember, I posted some time ago about these crazy people who have monkeys and think that they are their children.  It’s the stupidest thing.

So you can imagine my horror when I dreamt last night that I had a monkey.  It was so itty-bitty tiny that I could hold it in the palm of my hand.  My hands are not that big.  Even weirder though was that the monkey could talk.  It would jump around on the floor and go hide under the bed and was a typical pain in the behind, but it could talk to me.  It was like having one of those dolls that I used to beg for that could actually crawl and pee in its diaper.  (What is the fascination in young girls to have a doll that pees?!  I mean, seriously, that’s the one reason I refuse now to ever get a pet.  I can’t handle the disposal part of the eating process.)

Anyway, so I had a little monkey and then I also got a little dog that was the same size as the monkey.  So this dog and monkey were both talking animals (Of course, why wouldn’t they be?) and they could fit inside my coat pockets so I took them with me everywhere.  We were best friends.

Weird.  So very weird.  I was grateful to wake up and realize that I am still thankfully petless and childless.  Which reminds me that I never did post what started out as my Halloween blog.  I had a frightful Halloween when Kevin’s friend brought over his children.  Our condo is not very large and having a hyper, candied-up child running around frazzled my nerves.  (The other child was too young to walk yet, thank God!)  His chocolate-coated mouth would get too close to the furniture.  His sticky hands wanted to touch everything.  He wiped his nose with the back of his hand.  Then he had to poop right on the toilet I had just meticulously cleaned 4 hours earlier.  I nearly had a panic attack when he suddenly proclaimed that he wanted water and started to grab my glass of water that was on the kitchen table.  (Oh no you don’t take my water glass!!)

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was just Kevin and I alone again.  We looked at each other.  Silence.  Then he said, “So, you want kids?”  To that I replied, “Never.”