I had a discussion with a friend.  We talked about our love-hate relationship with facebook.  Here are some of our conclusions.  (I tried typing that and accidently typed “confusions” instead…does that mean something?)

We are taught both in a religious and secular setting to treat people with kindness.  We are told not to speak badly about people.  We are told to not talk about people behind their backs.  We are taught to be respectful.  Somehow with the internet, we are getting this sense that it’s okay to say whatever we want because it’s just thoughts that are out there; maybe we even think that no one is reading what we write.  So that’s not going to hurt anyone’s feelings, right?  We’re not even talking; we’re just typing.

What we forget is that our 500 friends on facebook have 500 different upbringings, 500 different interpretations, 500 different feelings and emotions. What 200 people might not even read in their facebook feed, 200 others might think it’s funny, but 100 more people will be offended by it.  Even if one person is offended by it, what’s the point?  It’s too easy to type in whatever we want without feeling like there are any consequences.

I’m here to say that sometimes your opinion or your thoughts or your ideas may hurt someone and it’s up to you if you want to risk that.  So, ultimately, it is your choice to say whatever you want, but…is it really going to be worth it?

It’s hard to interpret written text.  It’s hard to “hear” the sarcasm or the tone.  Be careful what you say and what you type.

On another note, I feel like some people type their status’ to get flattery. (Note: flattery and genuine compliments are two different things.)  For example (and I have seen this before on someone’s status…sadly!), “_____ feels so ugly today.”  You know what happens next.  Twenty people comment on it, “Oh no, you’re beautiful!  You’re the most beautiful person ever!”  Does that really make you feel better?  Truly?

My husband has taught me many things.  One thing he has taught me is about something he calls “fishing”.  Girls (including myself) are especially guilty of this.  I’ll say, “I feel so fat.”  His response has to be something along the lines of, “You’re beautiful.  You are not fat at all!  You’re gorgeous.”  (He’s a guy; what else can he say without being in the doghouse?)  Okay, so that is salve on a wound, but it doesn’t fix the problem an hour later when I still feel fat.  You know what feels better?: when I don’t complain at all and out-of-the-blue, he says, “Babe, you’re gorgeous.”  You know why that feels better?  Because I didn’t have to prompt it out of him by giving him a do-or-die sentence to compliment me.  I know that he truly means it because he said it without any coaxing.

There’s something to be said about genuine words.

As your mama always told you, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

(I do need to add that facebook is a great avenue for connecting with friends.  I’m specifically happy about being able to connect with my friends out of state and in Uzbekistan.  It’s a great tool to stay in touch.  It’s also a great tool for encouragement.  When I think of someone, it’s so easy to type them a one-liner telling them that I miss them and that I think they’re great.  As is with everything, there is a choice of avenues; use it for good or use it for bad.  In my challenges with facebook, I am hoping to use my experiences to do good on facebook.)