I am an introvert.

“No, you’re not.”  You say.  “You’re not shy at all.”

Contrary to what most people think, being shy is not the definition of being introverted.  In fact, being shy has little to do with being introverted!  Please see this definition that google gave to me:

Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to “recharge.”

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

You know when I first discovered this fact about myself?  I discovered it after trying and trying to get myself hyped up to go hang out with some friends and I just couldn’t get excited, even though I really loved these people.  I would rather have stayed at home and hung out by myself or even had just one or two over to my place to “chill” rather than to go hang out with the crowd of them.  It was so exhausting thinking about having to keep my mind in a constant conversation.  I did not even know until later that this was true introversion at its finest.

Tonight, I am in my element.  I am home alone.  I love Kevin to the maximum degree and I really, really enjoy spending my time with him, but, in true introverted form, there are times when I am so completely comfortable and shoulders-sagging relaxed by myself that it’s almost funny.

It has taken a lot of work and energy to be able to act comfortable in large groups, especially of people who are not my close family or close friends.  I do much better with a prop.  In the past, it was a microphone or a keyboard.  Now, it’s a camera.  All are forms of art that I love so much and, in my art, I can focus on my inner thoughts, even while being in a crowd.

It’s the phenomenon of figuring out myself and working through the social quirks of our society, all while remaining true to my core.  It would take a lifetime to change who I am, but instead, I have found a way to make ME work well in the world that I have been given.  Perhaps that’s my truest definition of the art of living.