I am like a magnet for awkward bathroom moments. Seriously.

The irony is not lost on me that during services this morning at church the vocal team was talking backstage about funny bathroom stories. After that funny conversation, I went to the restroom and my ear monitor fell off of the cord and hit the toilet seat and then bounced to the floor. I kept thinking, “Thank you for not falling in the toilet! Thank you for not falling in the toilet!” How would’ve I gone in a explained that to everyone?! “Um, sorry guys, but my, um, ear monitor just fell in the toilet so I flushed it down because there’s no way I’m reaching in there. Can you, um, order a new one, please?”

After church, I went out for lunch with some best lady friends. We had not planned out our travel arrangements very well so after lunch, Sara took Hanna and Chandler back to the church to get their cars and then Sara was going to meet me back at the mall to chat for a while. While I was waiting, I went into Target and used the restroom. It wasn’t until I was completely, ahem, done that I realized there was no toilet paper in my stall. I mean, zilch. They had two dispensers, each with two spots for those giant rolls of paper, but every single one was down to the cardboard middle.

I panicked. Crap. What does one do in this situation?

So there were other people in the restroom and I finally got up the nerve to ask for help after looking under the walls to see feet in the stalls on either side of me. Ahem. “Um, could anyone…” Whoosh! Everyone else in the restroom instantaneously flushed their toilets and I was drowned out by the noise.

Dangitall.

Then I was left by myself in the Target bathroom to contemplate my next move. I knew Sara was coming back to meet me so I texted her and said, “Are you nearby? I am in the most awkward situation! I am stuck in the Target bathroom without toilet paper!” She texted back and said, “Give me five!”

Two minutes later a miraculous thing happened and another person came into the bathroom. Miracle of miracles, good pete, she went into the stall right next to me! I did a little throat clearing and said, “Um, is there anyone next to me?” Silence. Then finally, “I don’t know who’s talking, but I’m here.” I said, “Um, sorry to bother you, but I don’t have any toilet paper in this stall.”

God bless her soul, she said, “Oh, don’t you apologize about that! It could’ve happened to anyone! I always carry some napkins in my purse just in case I run into a sticky situation.” And she unrolled some paper, tore it off, and handed it under the divider to me.

I thanked her profusely and then tried to quickly get out of there, but the second after I flushed my toilet and beelined to the sinks, she also came out and then we had a little, short, awkward conversation about how terrible it is to be stuck in the bathroom without toilet paper.

I couldn’t get out of there fast enough! Target, clean up your bathrooms and please, for the love of every woman out there, fill up the toilet paper dispensers!!

See other awkward bathroom stories:
when you gotta go
public bathrooms