recently attended Unique Event‘s Wedding Workshop where one of the topics they discussed was children at weddings. It’s such a touchy subject and people seem to get easily offended when it comes up. This is neither a commanding “what to do” nor a “we don’t like children” piece. The fact is we love kids! I asked Travis if he would be willing to let me share some of his thoughts on here so that you, real brides, can have perspective when creating your invitation list on how you want your wedding day, as a whole, to look…whether it includes children or not!
Travis, owner of Unique Events: “In our latest Wedding Workshop I discussed the issue of having children at weddings and the situations that tend to arise as a result. In an effort to give those of you planning a wedding something to think about here is a summary of the material in that discussion.
“As wedding professionals–in our case Wedding DJ’s/MC’s–we are involved in everything from ceremonies to the end of receptions and we get to see it all! Many of us have small children whom we love deeply, but most of us would agree that when it comes to weddings you should really think hard about if you are inviting small children. I find that in the planning process many of our couples have the fairytale vision of how all of this is going to go. Part of my job is to bring a small does of reality to the situation and work with that couple to make sure we have the best possible chance of that fairytale vision becoming a reality. I won’t try to speak for everyone in the industry, but here are points pertaining to children I believe couples should be considering:
- Ceremony: We assist with music and organization at many ceremonies throughout the year. I would say 3 out of 4 times that small children are present, they are making noise. Now let’s be fair, we have asked them to sit, be quiet, and behave for 30-60 minutes from the time they arrive until they can get out of their chair. Most small children can’t do it and even more so infants, who don’t know or care what’s going on. If they want to scream, they are going to. The amazing thing to me is how many parents refuse to remove the child from the ceremony when those situations arise. There are few things more uncomfortable than a screaming child during a vow exchange!
- Reception: There are many different things happening within a reception and when children are present they can affect each one.
- Dinner: What’s the atmosphere you are envisioning for your dinner? Does it involve 15+ laughing and/or screaming children chasing each other around the dance floor? Or are those children sitting respectfully at the tables with their parents? Only one of those things actually happens in real life. Why? Because children need to burn energy and parents get tired of trying to keep them under control at the table. So the mindset changes to, “Okay, as long as they are still on the dance floor, they’re fine.” This can greatly affect the vibe in the room!
- Toasts: Just like the ceremony, toasts are a time when some very heartfelt, touching communication is going on. Some of these speeches have been planned for months or more. As a speaker, you want to be able to tell a story. My daughter is 8 and on a regular basis I think about speaking at her wedding and what I will say. I’m excited for the day that happens and when it does I am going to be telling all sorts of stories, giving advise, making people laugh, and, if all goes well and I get caught up in it, I might cry myself! Children playing on the dance floor who, for whatever reason, their parents have not retrieved, quieted, or removed completely change the focus of a toast and, in my case, a father’s ability to communicate emotion & love to his daughter.
- First Dance: The first dance is now the couple taking over what (up to that point) has been the children’s play area. Countless times we have seen a couple sharing their first dance when a [presumably] nephew or niece makes their way out there. Sometimes parents snatch them up and sometimes (oddly) they don’t. Ask ANY photographer out there if they have ever been challenged to get that great full-length first dance shot by children being in the way or dancing right next to the couple.
- Open Dance Floor: There is a psychology behind a dance floor. It is not just the music. People have to feel comfortable coming out to dance. When a dance floor opens up, kids are the first out there! They don’t need a couple drinks, food doesn’t need to settle and, hey, they’ve probably been there since dinner anyway so they are already loosened up! Adults, however, aren’t that easy. Adults prefer a darker dance floor and most feel more comfortable when other adults are already out there dancing. When kids are running circles, playing tag, chasing the moving lights, etcetera, adults tend to not go out to dance. If they do anything, they watch from their tables or come stand on the edge of the dance floor. It just looks like mayhem out there and most people aren’t going to try and compete for floor space. The DJ’s job becomes trying to figure out a way to clear the kids off and get enough adults out there so that more adults will feel comfortable coming out and, really, just out-number the children! If the way I worded it makes it sound like a battle, that’s because it is!
- The last point is to consider is your guest’s experience. Not just for the guests with no children, but for those who would be bringing children. Do them a favor and ask just the adults to come. Give them an opportunity to have a night out without the kids. Allow them to stay past 9:00 pm because they don’t need to put their child to bed and they are not completely exhausted from trying to keep them in line. Some of these guests with children used to be friends and family that you probably used to party with! Let them come party!
“There are mothods of uninviting children that can be Googled or found out by asking professionals. I just want to open the eyes of couples in the planning stages of the reality of something as small as including the words ‘…and Family.'”
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, whether you have had good or bad experiences as a wedding guest or a bride yourself!
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